什么时候来个millennial女人?

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这电影我已经mark了将近半年了,今晚就在想看的电影列表里随便翻出来,貌似当时是因为它得了奥斯卡最佳原创题名想看来着.原本以为是按着电影名字,应该来一幅二十世纪一个家族的几个女人的浮世绘,somehow我就连以前看的简介内容都忘记情况下,竟然打开看了。午夜一点多看完,甚是惊喜。看完想了很多,睡不着就想写点东西。

电影中妈妈Dorothea是1924年生人,经历过大萧条和二战成长为独立女性,她在“”supposed to be in love and she was scared never be in love”时候认识的男人(best solution at that time)结婚,在四十岁生了孩子,她说:

“Wondering if you are happy is a short cut of being depressed.”

“Men always feel like that they have to fix things for women, or they are not doing anything, but something just can't be fixed. So just be there, somehow that's hard for all of you.”

她幻想着找到这么一个男人,并最终找到了

“He knows what I’m thinking and he makes me laugh...

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这电影我已经mark了将近半年了,今晚就在想看的电影列表里随便翻出来,貌似当时是因为它得了奥斯卡最佳原创题名想看来着.原本以为是按着电影名字,应该来一幅二十世纪一个家族的几个女人的浮世绘,somehow我就连以前看的简介内容都忘记情况下,竟然打开看了。午夜一点多看完,甚是惊喜。看完想了很多,睡不着就想写点东西。

电影中妈妈Dorothea是1924年生人,经历过大萧条和二战成长为独立女性,她在“”supposed to be in love and she was scared never be in love”时候认识的男人(best solution at that time)结婚,在四十岁生了孩子,她说:

“Wondering if you are happy is a short cut of being depressed.”

“Men always feel like that they have to fix things for women, or they are not doing anything, but something just can't be fixed. So just be there, somehow that's hard for all of you.”

她幻想着找到这么一个男人,并最终找到了

“He knows what I’m thinking and he makes me laugh, and he really sees me. He’s gonna do what he says he’s gonna do. So that’s easy (to fall in love with him)”

她担心儿子在青少年敏感阶段的生命中,除了自己没有其他人可以倾诉,而找来了24岁的Abbie和17岁的Jullie,想帮助自己的儿子去认识这个世界和成长。她想让自己的儿子比自己活的开心,而她担心她没法靠一己之力做到,这在电影的开始矛盾就已经铺垫得很明显。

Abbie是个追求艺术的摄影师,患有有宫颈癌,她说

“Whatever you think your life will be like, it will not be anything like that.”

Jullie是个跟心理医生妈妈关系非常糟糕,迷茫地生活着,想要自暴自弃地麻痹自己的小女生。她说:

"I think being strong is the most important quality, It's not being vulnerable, not being sensitive, it's not even about being happy. It's about strength and your durability against the other emotions."

找来的两个女生还真的穿越两性关系,教会Jamie怎么,在别人脆弱的时候去陪伴,在别人迷茫时候去交流,读起feminist的书的他,翻出书中一段读给他的妈妈,想帮助一个五十五岁的女人去正视她自己。

"I am gregarious, interested in others, and I think, intelligent. All I ask is to get to know people and to have them interested in knowing me. I doubt whether I would marry again and live that close to another individual, but I remain invisible. Don't pretend for a minute as you look at me that I am not as alive as you are, and I do not suffer from the category from which you are forcing me. I think, stripped down, I look more attractive than my ex husband, but I am socially and sexually obsolete, and he is not. I have a capacity now for taking people as they are, which I lacked at 20. I reach orgasm in half the time, and I know how to please. Yet I do not even dare show a man that I find him attractive. If I do he may react as if I have insulted him. I am supposed to fulfill my small functions and vanish."

from <<It hurts to be alive and obsolete: aging woman>> by Zoe Moss 1970 也挺好笑的是反而另外一个他们家男性的房客William,对于跟女性的关系,属于无所适从类型,”I want to win them over, so that I won’t be lonely. Once I have them, I don’t really know what to do with them.” 那种一旦得到就无法交流的状态,反而像极了我以前遇到的那些人。他也无法给Jamie一些man-to-man的指点(其实 i wonder大部分的男人,是不是都觉得很难找到可以相互沟通的男性伙伴)

虽然电影母子两个的矛盾,最后得到了解决,Jamie对妈妈说他们两个就足够了,可我却认为这些外人的介入,才让无法在正常生活中能了解彼此想法的母子,敞开心扉。其实我们人吧,总是脆弱的,总是害怕让别人了解自己,走入自己躲藏的内心,不是么?最后妈妈开着车,儿子踩着滑板一起消失在夕阳里。这种不管我们以后会不会互相诉说,至少在此刻我们互相了解,才是家人应该有的感觉。而且我真的觉得,一个成熟的人,必须要具备的,是要能够正常处理和不同性别的人的关系,然而这对于我们大部分的人是缺失的,因为我们的青春期的教育里,这些全是灰色地带。我们便怀着男人来自火星女人来自金星的态度,来无视我们互相作为人最基本的理解沟通和交流。

妈妈在新千年开始之前去世了,真真正正地作为经历了大半20世纪的人,出现存在然后消失。可喜的是,她在那样的时代也知道自己想要什么,真的开飞机真的不要帅呆啊~

电影里也包括了美国总统Jimmy Carter的 "Crisis of Confidence" 的演讲, 演讲发布在1979年7月15号. 想想那个时代的女性,真的是太压抑了。不过,生在millenials时代的我们,面对的社会好了一些,但是够了么?

"As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government. The schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance. But it is the truth. It's hard not to see this and feel mad—it could have been written a year ago, if not yesterday. The progress Julie was able to take advantage of is threatened by an incoming administration that wants to roll back reproductive rights, and America is just as hostile to working women—especially mothers—as it was in the 70s. We are still obsessed with fertility, even as we swear that women (should) have the right to choose what happens to their bodies. And then there's everything else!”

最后贴一下,卡萨布兰卡主题歌As time goes by吧,这是电影里妈妈最喜欢。仔细听听歌词,发现人世间也真的就这么回事儿。

This day and age we're living in

Gives cause for apprehension

With speed and new invention

And things like fourth dimension.

Yet we get a trifle weary

With Mr. Einstein's theory.

So we must get down to earth at times

Relax relieve the tension

And no matter what the progress

Or what may yet be proved

The simple facts of life are such

They cannot be removed.

You must remember this

A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.

The fundamental things apply

As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo

They still say, "I love you."

On that you can rely

No matter what the future brings

As time goes by.

Moonlight and love songs

Never out of date.

Hearts full of passion

Jealousy and hate.

Woman needs man

And man must have his mate

That no one can deny.

It's still the same old story

A fight for love and glory

A case of do or die.

The world will always welcome lovers

As time goes by.

Oh yes, the world will always welcome lovers

As time goes by.

8/16/2017深夜

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