It’s not just about The L Word.
I finished the 6 seasons. I’ve hated each of the main characters, as I’ve liked every of them. Jenny the writer is a liar and thief yet sometimes so generous; she’s also both self-destructive and talented. Alice the talk show host is picky, talkative, self-indulged, yet also incredibly open-minded and sincere. Bette’s … I really don’t need to go on, coz everyone’s complex, unique, entwined to some extent. Lovable and hateable.
I’ve loved Jodi the architect and Carmen the DJ, both passionate, beautiful, seductive especially because Jodi is deaf and Carmen is Spanish, and both of them are devoted to love. Yet they are not main characters and are not exposed fully. That’s why I haven’t a chance to hate them.
They’ve taken care of each other. And they’ve hurt each other. They cannot help doing both. Because they are who they are.
I’ve been in love with someone and I loved him with all that I have, and he has done the same thing to me. Yet we’ve hurt each other and still don’t know how to heal.
But this is not really I’d talk about today. I have been very sad today because I’ve been judged by someone who (I don’t know how) became very close to me psychologically. And I realized that I have been hurting others by being who I am. I’ve always thought it’s okay if others, I mean my dear ones, don’t understand me or don’t consider my behavior right sometimes. But making them so uncomfortable as to feel shameful, is different, and is the last thing I want to see.
I thought Jenny was not murdered; I thought she committed suicide. She was not trying to hurt others, yet she did, and was therefore resented, beyond her capacity to endure. And Shane definitely was not trying to hurt others by having sex with millions of girls; what’s more, she would never want to harm Planet Coffee’s business because of her behavior. And the mother who came out as a lesbian did not want to hurt her husband and daughter. They hurt others by trying to be who they are.
I feel very sorry about my behavior if it hurt/embarrassed anyone. Before, I would say “desert me if you think it’s better for you; I would be fine.” Now, I want to say that, I’m trying to be myself and improve myself; please try understand me and have faith in me. I do need it.
We are living in the same world, connected. The existence of each one has its influence on others. It’s sad that we cannot help hurting each other. Yet perhaps coping with it can be beautiful. Meiyang said that she could not understand but “I only want to make sure you feel happy, because it’s your feeling that means a lot to me, not right-and-wrongs.” sch said something similar. On my way home, I texted someone saying that “being together with you, I have the courage to face anyone and anything”, I think it’s appropriate to use the same sentence to thank them.