为《Trainspotting》痛哭流涕的那一群病孩们

monosolo
2006-04-20 看过
那还是看录像带的年代,《Trainspotting》(猜火车) 让我疯狂痴迷,那段经典的开场白至今让我记忆犹新:
“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a big fucking television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disk players and electrical tin openers...choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on the couch, watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth.

Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life. But why would I want to do a thing like that?”

1997年,这段话如此震撼我,残酷的青春?自我毁灭?另类生活?迷失理想的一代?那年的我,每夜穿梭于夜店出卖声音,疲惫、绝望、孤独、毫无方向。《Trainspotting》横空出现,让我失声痛哭却又温暖不寂寞——你明白那种感受吗?那是在芸芸众生中终于你发现你不是唯一的怪胎,不再孤独,就如随后我发现了Sickbaby网站一般感动,那就是HOME,跟随那些暗地病孩们一起,我们投入黑暗的怀抱,用病态的腐烂和惨淡的绿光彼此温暖,把那些细小的青春哀伤碎片放到祭坛上点燃,在无限放大的虚幻烟雾中喃喃自语,自怜自伤。

10年快过去了,我也开始穿西装打领带,坐在自己或别人的Office里一本正经的做提案演示,拿个红外笔在投影仪上指指点点,在内心快速计算中勾心斗角,然后或垂头丧气或满心窃喜的在那份该死的合同上签下我的名字。

没什么,真的没什么,这不是什么丢脸的事,我只不过最终还是和大多数一样,投奔当年我们唾弃的那些生活,而青春,就这么死掉。

而在今夜,Lou Reed的《perfect day》在我的AKG耳机中沉重的LOOP着,我突然想起《Trainspotting》中这首歌出现的场景,吸毒过量的Mark躺着,幻觉中沉入地毯中,从仿如动物栖身的洞穴中麻木的张望世界,死亡离他如此的接近,毒贩将他拖到街头,弃于的士;的士司机将拖到医院门口,继续弃于冰冷的水泥地上,护士们紧张的拖着他穿越医院走廊,放在长椅上抢救.....而他只能无助的躲在他的洞穴中绝望的看着这一切,动弹不得...

为《Trainspotting》痛哭流涕的那一群病孩们,10年快过去了,而我们那个幻觉中栖身的洞穴,依旧还在么?依旧无法庇护什么么?


Just a perfect day,
Problems all left alone,
Weekenders on our own.
It's such fun.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself.
I thought I was someone else
Someone good.

Someone good?perfect day?真是绝顶的讽刺。
 

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