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天地正道≋ὥ≋飞面神教 天地正道≋ὥ≋飞面神教 4219盗士

《进化论算是咋回事?》修订&接着译

Ent 2010-07-24
What's the Matter with Evolution?

Highlighting the Problem
We hear a lot about Evolution these days. Scientists seem to have embraced the subject as though it were the Second Coming of ...well...science. But where has it gotten us? Are we to believe that just because we're descended from a common ancestor shared with monkeys, dogs, or whatever, that we understand our situation on this earth any better than we would without Evolution to guide us? Can Evolution put food on my table? Will it save the earth from global warming?
如今咱动不动就能听见“进化”这茬子事儿。那帮科学家逮着这话题,就跟它是那啥再临了似的,那啥……呃,科学再临。
可是进化论给咱撂了个怎样的烂摊子?
难不成我们还真得相信,就因为我们和什么猴子啦小狗啦或者别的乱七八糟的玩意儿拥有共同的祖先,所以我们就能对我们在地球上的处境理解得更好?比没有进化论要好?
《进化论》,以某种方式让我们的生活更滋润了?
《进化论》,可以让我可以饭来张口了?
《进化论》可以拯救地球,叫停全球变暖了?

The answer to all of the above is a big No. And why is that? Because Evolu...
What's the Matter with Evolution?

Highlighting the Problem
We hear a lot about Evolution these days. Scientists seem to have embraced the subject as though it were the Second Coming of ...well...science. But where has it gotten us? Are we to believe that just because we're descended from a common ancestor shared with monkeys, dogs, or whatever, that we understand our situation on this earth any better than we would without Evolution to guide us? Can Evolution put food on my table? Will it save the earth from global warming?
如今咱动不动就能听见“进化”这茬子事儿。那帮科学家逮着这话题,就跟它是那啥再临了似的,那啥……呃,科学再临。
可是进化论给咱撂了个怎样的烂摊子?
难不成我们还真得相信,就因为我们和什么猴子啦小狗啦或者别的乱七八糟的玩意儿拥有共同的祖先,所以我们就能对我们在地球上的处境理解得更好?比没有进化论要好?
《进化论》,以某种方式让我们的生活更滋润了?
《进化论》,可以让我可以饭来张口了?
《进化论》可以拯救地球,叫停全球变暖了?

The answer to all of the above is a big No. And why is that? Because Evolution is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Sure, scientists while away their days trying to devise this or that proof to show that Evolution is a credible idea, but as long as it's just a theory, no one in the real world is going to take it seriously. So I've decided to do some debunking of my own to show the world that the big, bad scientists aren't "all that," as the kids like to say.
不!大大滴“不”!那又是为什么?为什么是不?
进化论就像潜水艇上装屏蔽门一样没用,如同鸡肋。
没错,科学家们把他们的时间全荒废在设想这样那样的证据,企图证明进化论是个可信的想法。但是只要它还仅仅是个理论,那么现实世界根本没人鸟它。
所以,我决定自个儿动手,向世界揭露出一点真相:就像孩子们喜欢说的那样,伟大的,腹黑的科学家们,你们根本不是“那么回事儿”。

What is Evolution but the gradual change of species over a lengthy period of time as a result of various internal and external selective pressures? My grandfather, who is as old as dirt, has been through that. According to early lithographs, he was quite a looker in his day, but now, a century later, after years of hard drinking and working in the mines, he has no hair and looks like shit. Could Evolution just mean growing old? I posed this question to a scientist friend who explained that the change has to take place over many generations. You'd think the Evolutionists would have stated that right out front, and I admit that I stand corrected. But Evolution still sounds a lot like growing old to me, and I can't help thinking that this is where the Evolutionary scientists first got their wacky ideas.
进化不就是物种在长期过程中,由于各种内部和外部的选择压力,而发生逐步的变化嘛?
我的祖父,老得都快积灰了,就经历了这个演化的过程。
从几幅早期的版画看来,我爷爷当年还是蛮帅的;但是现在,过了一个世纪以后,在矿井里长年累月辛苦地喝酒和工作以后,他秃顶了,烂得跟一坨屎没什么差别。
是说进化的意思就是变老吗?我问过我的一个科学家朋友,他解释说进化的改变必须经历许多代人的长期过程。
你会想,进化论者肯定早就把这一点说得明明白白了,对此我老实认错。
可我觉得吧,进化听起来还是和衰老巨像无比,我老是忍不住去想,没准那帮进化生物学家就是从衰老这事想到他们那些莫名其妙的念头的。

Having cleared up this common confusion, let us move on to the proposed selective force of Evolution--namely, Natural Selection. What the fuck is this supposed to mean? Is there unnatural selection? And who's doing the selecting? Neither of these questions could be answered by my scientist friend, and so I have been forced to ditch my now former friend and perform my own research. What follows is, to the best of my ability, what I've been able to uncover regarding Evolution and Natural Selection.

既然我们已经澄清了这个普遍的误解,让我们进一步探讨下据说是进化的选择动力的那玩意——也就是所谓“自然选择”。
这丫破词是想说啥?难道还有“不自然”的选择不成?又是谁在往外选?我的那个科学家朋友对于这两个问题一个也答不出,因此我只好把我的前朋友给甩了,自己搞起了研究。接下来的几段,就是我竭尽全力所发现的关于进化和自然选择的一些事实。


The Hypercube - December 4, 2007 12:14 AM (GMT)
A Closer Examination of Natural Selection
Apparently, there are not one but two forms of selection. They are Natural Selection and sexual selection. I'll let you mull over the second "sexy" form of selection for a minute, at least until I've torn the first one to shreds. You should have time to masturbate while reading my proofs, if that's what you're in to.
显然,选择的形式不是一种,而是两种:自然选择和性选择。你不妨寻思一下这第二种比较“性感”的选择方式,趁着这功夫我先把第一种撕烂了再说。读我的证据的时间应该足够你 XX 一下——如果你好这一口的话。
According to the neo-Darwinists, most Evolutionary change is attributable to Natural Selection, meaning that individuals carrying genes that are better suited to their environment will leave more offspring than individuals carrying genes that make them less adaptive. Over time, these more adaptive traits will proliferate, altering the genetic composition of the overall population, since individuals with better "fitness" pass more of their genes into the next generation. It is this process, scientists, will tell you, that produced the platypus, the penguin, and the poodle--leading us to conclude that scientists are definitely full of shit. If someone can explain to me the adaptive traits of the "duckbill," then they can certainly tell my why the platypus is the only mammal on the planet that has one? Are platypii (pusses...who knows?) concerned with ingratiating themselves into local duck populations? Do they think, that they're funny? Why the fuck do they have a bill?
新达尔文主义说,大部分进化上的改变可以归功于自然选择,也就是说,个体携带着更能适应环境的基因,就能繁衍出更多的后代,而那些不能适应环境的,则繁衍的较少。久而久之,由于适应性强的个体能将更多自己的基因传给下一代,那些有利的基因能扩散繁衍出去,改变整个种群的基因构成。科学家们会告诉你,就是由于这个过程,鸭嘴兽,企鹅,狮子狗诞生了——这让我们看出了科学家们的脑子里都是屎。如果哪位能告诉我鸭嘴兽的鸭嘴有啥适应特征,他是不是肯定也能告诉我为什么鸭嘴兽是地球上唯一拥有此特征的哺乳动物?鸭嘴兽们是在致力于讨好本地的野鸭种群吗?它们就没觉得自己很可笑?它们干嘛要长他妈这么一张嘴?

I'll take it easy on the scientists regarding the platypus, because obviously it's a tough one, but I'm sure there are several hundred scientists right now earning their tenure in a pointless search for the Evolutionary significance of this ridiculous creature. I'll close on the platypus by stating an alternative theory that I've come up with: the Flying Spaghetti Monster made the platypus because, unlike scientists, He has a sense of humor. It's an unlikely sign from God--and until someone can prove me wrong, that's my theory.

关于鸭嘴兽的问题,我不打算对科学家们太苛求,因为这显然是一个大难题。不过,我确信现在起码有几百位科学家正在徒劳地寻找着这种荒谬的生物的演化意义,指望藉此赢得一份终身年金。但我会逼近鸭嘴兽问题,阐述一个我发明的替代理论:是飞面大神创造了鸭嘴兽,因为不像那群科学家们,祂可是有幽默感的。这是一个来自面神的不可思议的迹象——除非有人能证明我是错误的,这就是我的理论。

—————以上是面面的译文,我修订了一下—————————————————


I will next turn to more ordinary and boring examples of Natural Selection, which I will then proceed to slice to ribbons. Let us look at the fascinating case of bacteria. It is well known that antibiotics are used to cure various illnesses caused by bacteria, and it is equally well known that most bacteria (for example, staphylococci) eventually develop immunity to these antibiotics. Looking a little closer at the case of staphylococci, we find that, in 1929, Sir Alexander Fleming first observed the bacterium staphylococci to experience inhibition on an agar plate contaminated by a penicillium mold. Sir Alexander Fleming, or "F-Man" as the queen like to call him, isolated the penicillium to make penicillin, which then went on to be known as a wonder drug for many diseases, mainly VD. But gradually penicillin in its natural form became useless. Scientists will tell you that the bacterium--which replicates faster than a chinchilla in a Cialis factory--eventually developed a strain of itself that was resistant to naturally formed penicillin, and that the process of Natural Selection caused this resistant strain to propagate in nature. This is an outright lie, which I will decimate momentarily.

接下来我要转向自然选择的一些更寻常、也更无聊的例子,然后着手把它们削成片片儿。先看看让人着迷的细菌吧。众所周知,抗生素被人们用来治愈多种由细菌引发的疾病,同样众所周知的是,大部分细菌(比方说葡萄球菌)最后对这些抗生素产生了抗性。如果我们仔细审查一下葡萄球菌的情况,我们会发现,1929年,亚历山大•弗莱明爵士首先观察到了,被青霉菌沾染的琼脂糖平板上,葡萄球菌的生长受到了抑制。亚历山大•弗莱明爵士,也被人叫做“F男”(像女王喜欢的那样),提纯培养了青霉菌,并制造出青霉素,这种药品很快成为人所共知的奇迹之药,治疗了很多种疾病——主要是性病。但是逐渐地,天然形态的青霉素变得没有用了。科学家会告诉你,细菌——它们繁殖得比闯进伟哥工厂的兔子还要快——最终发展出一个株系能够抵抗天然形成的青霉素,而自然选择的过程则会让这个株系在自然界中繁衍壮大。这是一条赤果果的谎言,我马上就要对它大开杀戒了。


If we look at bacteria that grow resistant to antibiotics, insects that grow resistant to DDT, or even HIV that grows resistant to antiviral drugs, we see a fascinating correlation between "Natural Selection" and "resistance." But what are we really seeing here? I submit that they're not changing their genetic makeup, they're changing their minds. In short, they're getting smarter. If I go to your house and you feed me a shit sandwich two days in a row, I'm having lunch at McDonald's on the third day. It's that simple. Don't let the scientists, with their big phallic bacterial names, tell you anything different. They're not as smart as they pretend to be, no matter how much they try to demean so-called lower life forms.

假如我们看看那些对抗生素产生抗药性的细菌,对DDT产生抗性的昆虫,甚至对抗病毒药产生抗性的HIV,我们会看到在“自然选择”和“抗药性”之间存在一条迷人的相关性。但是我们看到的其实是什么?要我说,它们改变的并不是自己的基因组成;它们改变的是念头。长话短说,它们变聪明了。如果我到你家里,而你连续两天都只给我吃屎一样的三明治,那我第三天就会到麦当劳吃午餐。就这么简单。别让那些科学家拿着他们长长的生殖崇拜的细菌名字把你吓住了,别相信他们的说法。他们根本没有表面看起来那么聪明,那都是装的,不管他们怎么企图贬低所谓的“低等”生命也白搭。

One other example of Natural Selection should just about put this puppy to bed. Scientists have pointed to "artificial selection" to show that humans, by providing their own specific set of selective forces, can mimic the forces of nature. We see this over and over again in the actions of "breeders," who purportedly have wrought immense changes in plants and animals. We can look to the various breeds of dogs as an example, where claims are made that all dog species originated from one common source: the ancestral wolf. From this ferocious beast we are expected to believe that a diverse assortment of species was created by man himself--such four-legged brutes as the Chihuahua, the dachshund, the poodle, and the bulldog--all of which have been with us since time immemorial. This breeding "myth" appears to be a form of propaganda, possibly put forth by anti-Intelligent Design campaigners, although I'll save any conversation about Intelligent Design for a later chapter. How can we believe such claims about "man's best friend" when it is obvious to the common observer that every breed has been put on this planet to serve a purpose. I, for one, would point to the FSM as the creator of dogs, although there is valid evidence that God (if he is ever proven to exist) might have had a hand in their creation. After all, aren't German shepherds meant to provide us with protection, maybe even from their own "forefathers," the wolf? Weren't poodles and Chihuahuas put on this earth to make us feel better about ourselves? There can be little doubt that an intelligent creator put all the species on earth to serve man. And Evolution wasn't even properly invented until the late 1800s. Is that enough time to get a Labrador retriever from a dire wolf? I think not.
另一个自然选择的例证应该足以让它老老实实上床睡觉去。科学家利用“人工选择”表明人类,通过提供一套特定的选择压力,可以模仿自然界的力量。我们在育种家的工作中反复看到这一点——据说他们已经为许多植物和动物带来了翻天覆地的变化。作为例证,我们不妨看一看不同品种的狗:据称,所有的狗都来自于一个共同祖先——古代的狼。他们指望我们会相信,人类自己从这种凶猛的野兽中创造出了五花八门的狗的品系——比如吉娃娃,达克斯猎犬,小狮子狗,还有牛头犬,各种各样的四腿动物——而它们自从无法追溯的史前时期就全都和我们相伴了。
这个育种神话似乎只是一种宣传手段而已,可能是由反智设的宣传者故意散播的,不过关于智设的讨论我们下一章再说。但是,对我们每一个人都显而易见的是,“人类的最好朋友”的每一个品系分明都是为了服务于一种目的而来到这个星球上的;既然如此,我们又怎能相信科学家们的宣言?起码我会说,飞面大神是各种狗的创造者;虽然也有一些有效的证据表明上帝(假如有人能证明它的存在的话)也可能在其中掺和了一把。不管怎么说,难道德国牧羊犬不是为了保护我们而诞生的吗,甚至包括抵抗它们的“先祖”——狼?难道小狮子狗和吉娃娃不是为了让我们感觉更舒服而来到这世界上的吗?毋庸置疑,是一个智能的造物主把这些物种放在了地球上,以服务人类。而进化论在十九世纪晚期之前还没有正儿八经发明出来呢。就这么一百来年时间难道足够把一只可怕的狼驯化成一条拉布拉多犬吗?我觉得可不够。


If you don't buy this argument, consider this one last example, which in this case regards plant species. If we look at domestic cabbage, broccoli, kale, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts, are we to claim, even if they did originate from a common ancient wild cabbage, that selection, be it natural, artificial, whatever, could not have done better over the last few thousand years? The answer is written in the squinched-up face of every child with a brussels sprout in his or her mouth. Yet another strike against Evolution.

如果你还不肯相信我的论点的话,想想这最后一个例子:关于植物物种的。假如我们看看家养的白菜、卷心菜、花菜、甘蓝、西兰花,就算是它们来自某个共同的野生卷心菜祖先吧,那么选择的力量,管它是自然选择还是人工选择,难道不能在过去的几千年里让它们变得更好吃一点吗?答案写在每一个口含卷心菜的小孩子扭曲而痛苦的脸上。又一记重拳打中进化论。


From Pirates to People
Any discussion of Evolution will eventually lead us to ourselves. Humans have been around for as long as we can remember, and yet the Evolutionists will tell you that we weren't. They will tell you that humans and chimpanzees shared a common ancestor some five million years ago, and that we "diverged" from that common ancestor and eventually invented the space shuttle while chimpanzees were only able to invent "the stick." To support this thesis, scientists tell us that we share 95 percent of our DNA with chimpanzees, and yet we share 99.9 percent of our DNA with Pirates. I ask you, who is the more likely common ancestor? And are the Pirates not the Chosen People of the FSM? Why do we spend so much time talking about something that didn't happen, while the FSM is dangling His Noodly Appendage right in front of our faces?

从海盗到人类

任何关于进化论的讨论总会最后牵扯到我们自身。人类是这样古老,有史以来一直就在我们身边,可是进化论者非要告诉你说不是这样。他们说,人类和黑猩猩在大约五百万年前还有共同的祖先,而我们从那个祖先里面分化出来,最终发明了航天飞机;而黑猩猩则只能发明出“那棍子”。为了支持这个观点,科学家告诉我们说我们和黑猩猩有95%的DNA是相同的——可是我们和海盗有99.9%的基因是相同的。我问你,谁是更可能的共同祖先?难道海盗不是飞面大神的获选之民吗?就在飞面大神在我们眼前垂下祂面条般的附肢时,我们为何还要浪费这么多时间讨论一件从未发生的事情?

But I shall persevere just a little further, and I shall examine the human body--specifically, I will examine organs that have been deemed "vestigial," or useless as a result of losing their function over millennia of Evolution.

但是我还要再坚持一小会儿,并认真审视一下人类躯体——确切地说,是审视一下被人们称作“痕迹”或者无用的器官,据说这是因为在无数年的演化中,它们的功能丧失了。

Wisdom Teeth
Fallacy: Emerging in adulthood, these teeth are thought to have served as extra grinding surfaces for early man, who, before the advent of proper dental care, would most likely have lost many of his teeth by his mid-twenties.
Fact: It is common knowledge that our Pirate ancestors ate a diet much rougher and more manly than our diets today. Also, they tended to carry their knives set deep in the back our their mouths. It is logical, then, that they'd need extra teeth.

智齿
谬误:这些出现于成年的牙齿,据说是用来给早期人类提供额外的咀嚼场地——这些人生在恰当的牙齿护理之前,因此很可能到了二十多岁时已经失去了相当一部分牙齿。
真相:众所周知,我们的海盗祖先的食谱比我们今天的更加粗粝,也更有男子气概。此外,他们喜欢把自己的小刀套件搁在嘴巴深处。因此,他们需要额外的牙齿,这很符合逻辑。


Male Nipples
Fallacy: Scientists believe that all humans had breasts--or "dugs"--back in the Stone Age.
Fact: Male nipples were used by Pirates as portable weather stations. With their nipples they were able to determine the direction of the trade winds and, depending on stiffness, how cold it was outside.
男性的乳头
谬误:科学家相信,所有的人类在石器时代都有乳房——或者说咪咪。
真相:男性的乳头被海盗用来当做移动气象观测站。通过乳头,他们可以判断出信风的方向;还有,根据它们的僵硬程度,可以判断出外面有多冷。

Goose Bumps
Fallacy: Evolutionary propaganda would have you believe that goose bumps are an atavistic, now useless response to distress--be it emotional or weather-related--that was once meant to raise the hair on our early forefathers, causing them to appear larger and scarier.
Fact: Goose bumps are a cleverly disguised feature that allowed for increased buoyancy once a Pirate hit cold water. By simply appearing, they raised the surface area, thus increasing buoyancy. This made Pirates float better--something that was very useful to our ancestors, as they were sometimes without boats. Naturally, goose bumps seem to be a vestigial reflex, but it's really society that has changed.
鸡皮疙瘩
谬误:进化论的宣传手腕企图让你相信,鸡皮疙瘩是一项针对恶略环境的返祖特征,如今已经毫无用处——不管是情绪引起的还是天气引起的。它们本来可以在我们的祖先身上立起毛发,让他们看起来更大更吓人。
真相:鸡皮疙瘩是一项伪装得很好的特性,可以让海盗落入冰冷的海水之后获得额外的浮力。只要鸡皮疙瘩一出现,海盗的表面积就增加了,从而增加了浮力。这让海盗得以更好地漂浮在水中——这对我们的祖先而言非常的有用,因为他们有时没船可乘。当然了,看起来鸡皮疙瘩是一项退化的条件反射,但这只不过是因为社会变了而已。
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回应 (19条) 只看楼主

  • [已注销]
    呃,辛苦了,您真有激情~
  • 多汁散人
    以为你们都不干了。。。我昨个也译到这儿。。。
  • 大嘴巴灵机一动
    这一章很好玩
  • 多汁散人
    嗯,发现我翻译出了很多错误。
    不过我也找到Ent不对的地方了,哈哈。

    它们繁殖得比闯进伟哥工厂的兔子还要快
    --------------------------------------------------------
    我觉得是那家叫西力士的壮阳药工厂生产的药丸(http://www.meiele.com/cialis/images/c-p.jpg)长得很像栗鼠,chinchilla(http://www.abdn.ac.uk/~nhi708/classify/animalia/chordata/mammalia/rodentia/chinchilla.jpg)所以这句话的意思是细菌繁殖的速度比西力士生产壮阳药的速度快。
  • 多汁散人
    就这么一百来年时间难道足够把一只可怕的狼驯化成一条拉布拉多犬吗?(Is that enough time to get a Labrador retriever from a dire wolf?)
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    这句话的意思是不是说一百年的时间不够一条拉布拉多退化成狼,因此进化论是没有依据的胡说八道?我不确定retriever from究竟是什么意思。
  • Ent
    汗,这个意思我还真没想到……我只以为是说栗鼠吃了那啥就变猛了,啮齿类嘛本来就快……因为比较陌生就改成兔子吃伟哥了……
  • Ent
    Labrador retriever 是这种狗的全名……拉布拉多寻物犬还是啥的。
  • 多汁散人
    “那棍子”?为什么要加个“那”?指的是什么?
  • 多汁散人
    这样啊,怪不得我总觉得retriever from怪怪的。
  • 多汁散人
    “痕迹”?是不是翻译成“退化的”更通顺些?
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