Well its prom night, I’m all alone and man I feel so lame.
Across the gym, stands the girl of my dreams but she doesn’t even know my name
As I stare my heart skips a beat, she leaves me breathless I can’t pretend
I know that I can’t offer her much, but I sure beat her douche bag boyfriend
You may never want me
But love for you is true
So everywhere I go girl
I’ll be touching myself to you
Oh…I will masturbate to you in the shower
In the cafeteria during lunch hour
Gonna play with myself in my Parents’ car…
Oooh, I will masturbate to you on the beach
In the dentists chair while he’s cleaning my teeth
I’ll never see you again after tonight
But I will masturbate to you for life
Don’t dare you stare and judge me on how I express my love
You can write poetry, me I will rub and tug
I’ll never hold you
Lay with you in the sand
Go live your life girl
Cause I’ll being making love to my hand
Oh, I will masturbate to you like a fiend
On Martin Luther King Day and duing Halloween
Stroking every single night of Hanukah
Oh, I will masturbate to you over sea’s
On the Eiffel tower and while meeting the Queen
Honey go with him, I’ll be alright.
Cause I will masturbate to you for life
Life is so lonely without you
There’s only so much jerking one guy can do
But why this devotion
I’ve wasted all my lotion
Baby I was blind but now I can see..
Oh, I will masturbate as you grow old with me
Every single birthday and anniversary
In the delivery room as our first child is born
I will masturbate to you and you alone
Playing with our grandkids in our nursing home
You’re the one that I need I must have missed it somehow
But I will masturbate, I will masturbate, I will masturbate..
To you right now…..