Jack the Writer
Jack Meets Dennis
The Baby Show
Up All Night
The C Word
1.Cerie (to Liz): "You know this food area is always the first place I go to look for you."
2.Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I’ve had this conversation before. You’re marrying my mom, aren’t you?
3.Liz: Whoa, excuse me, there's a line, buddy.
Man: There's two lines.
Liz: No. No, there's one line; we're in it.
Man: I'm just getting a hot dog.
Liz: We're all getting hot dogs! What, you think there's two lines and we're all in this line? You're the only genius who got in the other line? Can you believe this guy?
4.Liz: Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize; I'm so embarrassed.
Jack: Well, I guess you must be embarrassed if you're hiding in the storage closet.
Liz: This is my office.
5.Liz: One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I'm really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn't leave right away! (Liz在飞机上，慌乱中说出自己的糗事。）
6.Priest: Don't you have faith?
Jack: I have faith... in things I can see and buy and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion. Now, you want to have an intellectual argument? Fine, but I should warn you, I went to Princeton.
Priest: I went to Harvard Divinity School.
Jack: [scoffs] You crimson guys never miss a chance, do you? You want a confession? Let's get this done so I can go eat. I'm divorced. I take the Lord's name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident. [jump cut] ...I almost let him choke to death right there on the football field. I looked the other way when my wig-based parent company turned a bunch of children orange. I once claimed "I am God" during a deposition. [jump cut] and... I may have sodomized our former Vice President while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics. [sighs] It feels good to say that out loud actually. That one was weighing on me.
Priest: Wow! I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Jack: I don't want you to say anything. I thought I'd made that perfectly clear.
Priest: Then...what brought you here tonight?
Jack: What brought me here tonight? Why do men do anything? Why do people build bridges, why are there jets? I was hoping to have sex with a woman tonight. [glances at the priest] Have you ever been with a woman, Father?
Priest: [weakly] Come on, man...
7.Waiter: [to Jack] Is this like a Sixth Sense thing? Would you like a place setting for your friend?（电影《第六感》中，女主角在餐厅为死去的丈夫也留了对面的餐位。这位服务生真的很二。）
8.Greenzo: You know what, you people make me sick! You act like you care but you do nothing. Do you even bother to compost your own feces? （Ross 客串的 Greenzo，哈哈！）
Jack 和 CC
9.C.C.: I've been going crazy the last few days thinking about our night together. How you wanted to brush my hair as foreplay. How you made me that Western omelet at 4 a.m. I've never met anyone like you, Jack.
Jack: Be with me, C.C. We'll ignore our differences 'til the sex goes bad then... we'll walk away bitter and angry.
10.C.C.: I'm working out of the Clinton offices for a few weeks. I'm helping Hillary retool her Universal Health care platform.
Jack: God, I want to kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such ridiculous things.