sometimes I just want to be a very dirty dirty girl

avatar [已注销] 2017-05-22 19:59:14

I don't know what happened to me recently. I don't want to be in a relationship, and I want to have sex regularly. Over the past few months, as I've sifted through the shitheads on these dating apps, I've found a few men who seemed both respectful and attractive and I've slept with them after the first, second, or third date, depending on the mood. Sometimes the sex has been good, sometimes a disaster, mostly it's mediocre. But I almost always feel terrible afterwards. After sleeping with them, I sense that these men become slightly distracted. I see a glint of impatience in their eyes. I know they don't love me. And I've realized that I only feel good about the sex if, at least formally, the man acts as though he cares about me. Kisses my forehead, cuddles me, doesn't want to leave, stays for breakfast the next day. Otherwise, I feel like a jerk towel, and I experience a kind of primordial sense of guilt. I realize that being showered with attention is a lot to expect from a person I've only met a few times, a person who is probably also just looking for casual sex. But I just can't enjoy the sex otherwise. Obviously, this is not what I want for myself. I want to be sexually liberated and to be able to go out and have no-strings-attached sex guilt-free. Does anyone else have this problem? Am I expecting too much? Too little? Am I not picking them right? Should I resign myself to being a serial monogamist to feel good about my sex life? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.


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