Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.

2018-03-26 10:41:33
Sherly的书跟我的个人成长惊人地合拍
上次读她是高中了,懵懵懂懂不知世事,读完《向前一步》,心中热血沸腾满是初生牛犊不怕虎的闯劲;这次读是在美国职场摸爬滚打,最艰难的一年里,失恋、在高速路上被追尾、重度感冒拨通suicide hotline之后,读的过程中起起落落,但最终感觉终于有点未能免俗地治愈了自己。
好的写作能让读者在阅读时找到自己。作为一个孤孤零零成长起来的独生文艺女青年,我往往最难忘的是刘瑜在《送你一枚子弹》里写的,一个人要像一支队伍。即使每天三点一线,即使空气稀薄,即使孤独成为了常态,也要积极向上地在书和电影,菜市场里蔬菜的价格里维持生活的热情和发现的眼睛。
然而长大后,发现这种哲学仅仅适合于波澜不惊,没有大变动的学生生活。当职场的斗争,感情的繁杂,异国他乡的挣扎连绵不断向你扑来,哲人的平静是很难维持的。
开始的几章描述了这种悲伤扑面而来的窒息感-巨大的空虚,心和肺部感觉都无法呼吸。即使经济自由,老板完美,一双儿女都在的Sherly都如此,又何况我们普普通通的人呢?不能杀死你的,都将使你变得更强,然而那些事,的的确确是几乎要杀死你了啊。允许自己悲伤,放下所谓的积极心态,跟自己和解一小段。连



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Sherly的书跟我的个人成长惊人地合拍
上次读她是高中了,懵懵懂懂不知世事,读完《向前一步》,心中热血沸腾满是初生牛犊不怕虎的闯劲;这次读是在美国职场摸爬滚打,最艰难的一年里,失恋、在高速路上被追尾、重度感冒拨通suicide hotline之后,读的过程中起起落落,但最终感觉终于有点未能免俗地治愈了自己。
好的写作能让读者在阅读时找到自己。作为一个孤孤零零成长起来的独生文艺女青年,我往往最难忘的是刘瑜在《送你一枚子弹》里写的,一个人要像一支队伍。即使每天三点一线,即使空气稀薄,即使孤独成为了常态,也要积极向上地在书和电影,菜市场里蔬菜的价格里维持生活的热情和发现的眼睛。
然而长大后,发现这种哲学仅仅适合于波澜不惊,没有大变动的学生生活。当职场的斗争,感情的繁杂,异国他乡的挣扎连绵不断向你扑来,哲人的平静是很难维持的。
开始的几章描述了这种悲伤扑面而来的窒息感-巨大的空虚,心和肺部感觉都无法呼吸。即使经济自由,老板完美,一双儿女都在的Sherly都如此,又何况我们普普通通的人呢?不能杀死你的,都将使你变得更强,然而那些事,的的确确是几乎要杀死你了啊。允许自己悲伤,放下所谓的积极心态,跟自己和解一小段。连失去一生所爱这种事情,大部分人在六个月后都往往能极度悲伤里走出来,你又有什么理由觉得自己会固执地在抑郁里无法出走呢?
1. Finding strength in the face of hardship doesn't release us from the responsibility of working to prevent hardship in the first place. You don't have to experience tragedy to build your resiliance for whatever lies ahead
2. Personalization-we're at fault; Pervasiveness-the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; permanence-the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. Realizing tragedies aren't personal, pervasive or permanent makes people less likely to get depressed.
Studies of affective forecasting-our prediction of how we'll fee in the future-reveal that we tend to overestimate how long tragedy event will affect us.
3. just as we banish "sorry" from the vocabulary, we should eliminate "never" and "always" and replace "sometimes" and "lately"
4. a cognitive behavioral technique: write down a belief that's causing you anguish and follow it with proof that the believe is false:
eg: I'll never love again and die alone
-I still have plenty of time, and there're plenty of people out there looking.
5. How to breathe through the waves of anxiety: breathe in for a count of six, hold my breath for a count of six, then exhale for a count of six
6. Part of every misery, is misery's shadow..the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. Instead of being surprised by the negative feelings, I expected them. When I stopped fighting those moments, they passed more quickly.
7. If your ankle get shattered, people ask to hear the story. If your life gets shattered, they don't.
8. Even people who have endured the worst suffering often want to talk about it
9. a casual greeting like "how are you"hurt because it didn't acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary had happened. if people instead asked "how are you today", it showed that they were aware that I was struggling to get thru each day
10. what worked best was when people said "I'm here if you ever want to talk, like now, or later, or in the middle of the night. whatever would help you." The worst thing that people can say is "it's going to be ok".
11. how about "I know you don;t know yet what will happen-and neither do I. But you won;t go thru this alone. I'll be there with you every step of the way"
12. The most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge. To literally say the words: I acknowledge your pain. I'm here with you
13. Instead of asking "if there's anything I can do", just offer something. specific acts help because instead of trying to fix the problem, they address the damage caused by the problem
14. draw a circle of anyone who're influenced by a tragic event, then categorize them by how bad they're influenced. Wherever you're, offer comfort in and seek comfort out.
15. Friendship isn't just what you can give, it;s what you're able to receive.
16. self compassion: offer the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to a friend
17. Blame our actions, not our characters.
18. We're all broken by something, we have all hurt someone. Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.
19. turning feelings into words can help us process and overcome adversity. Labeling negative emotions makes them easier to deal with. The more specific the label, the better
20. counting our blessings doesn't boost our confidence or effort, but counting our contributions can
21. empathy is good, but encouragement is better
22. Joy is the ultimate act of defiance
23. How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives. Rather than waiting till we're happy to enjoy the small things, we should go and do the small things that make us happy.
Happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays
24. As we grow older, we define happiness less in terms of excitement and more in terms of peacefulness. Peace is joy at rest, and joy is peace on its feet.
25. the feeling of math being hard is the feeling of your brain growing
26. Let no man pull you so low as to hate him
27. We find our humanity-our will to live and our ability to love-in our connections to one another
28. gathering and act on negative feedback is how you reach your potential
29. Most of the couples' fights weren't about money or sex but about failed bids for connection
30. You cannot outrun any addiction. You must heal, and that takes a kind of love that no one else can provide you
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