现在我不想纠结为什么他不联系我这个问题了，可能是我不得他的眼缘，可能他有别的感情问题，但不需要我为他想理由，我可以确定的是He’s just not that into me.
I’m really going to have to explain to you why you shouldn’t be dating a married man? Well, okay: Here is the lowdown on your boss. He’s married and having an affair, which indicates to me so many things. First, he’s okay with being dishonest. (Nice.) Second, he’s fine with cheating on his wife. (Super.) Third, he has no regard for his marriage. (What a gem.) Fourth and most specifically to you, he has no real regard for you, because what you’re getting from him is scraps—stolen time that’s cloaked in shame. (Just what you always dreamed of as a girl, right?) And because this is a workplace affair, who do you think will be asked to leave when the romance goes sour or becomes watercooler fodder that threatens his job and/or marriage? You. And whose reputation as a serious business-person will be compromised? Did you guess you? Good girl. Regardless of how much his marriage sucks or how awful his wife is to him, it obviously isn’t that bad or he would get out of it. A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy.
Here’s my vote: It doesn’t sound like he’s given you good enough reason to keep sitting through his one-man show called “I Want to Kill My Wife.” If he isses you, he can get his act together and call you when his head is clearer.
Reset Your Standards
Let’s set a dignified bar for you to exist at. Let’s put you in charge with how it’s going to go next time. A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future, and the standards you want to have.
I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
Q:Are you so sure there are so many great guys out there, that I can just throw all these other less-than-perfect guys away?
A:I don’t know how to answer that except to say that being in a good relationship is much better than being in a bad relationship, and you’ll never be able to be in a good relationship if you’re sticking with Mr. Shitty What’s His Name. Only you can know if the relationship you’re in isn’t good enough for you.
Q:What if I would rather be with someone who might not be that into me than be alone?
A: I get it. You can feel like crap and be alone. Or feel like crap and at least have someone to spend the holidays with. Got it. It seems like it might be a fair trade, except for the fact that it means the only two options you are giving yourself involve feeling like crap. By staying with the guy who’s not that into you, you are ensuring that you’re never going to find one that is. I say, not to anyone’s surprise, take the risk of not having someone to spend Christmas with, possibly feel lonely for a while, but know that you’re doing it for a much bigger payoff at the end.