朱悟空
你对我的好,某种程度上是一种非常残忍的东西。我们失去了联系。我们在同一片沙漠里,在寻找的也许是同一眼泉水,但却相互看不见,总是孤零零的一个人。我之所这么说,是因为要是我们在一起的话,沙漠就不再会是沙漠了。
原版:
I rang off. At first I was happy, and then I was miserable again. I didn't know where he
was. We were not in touch. In the same desert, seeking the same water-holes perhaps, but out of
sight, always alone. For it wouldn't be a desert if we were together. I said to God, 'So that's it. I
begin to believe in you, and if I believe in you I shall hate you. I have free will to break my
promise, haven't I, but I haven't the power to gain anything from breaking it. You let me
telephone, but then you close the door in my face. You let me sin, but you take away the fruits
of my sin. You let me try to escape with D., but you don't allow me to enjoy it. You make me
drive love out, and then you say there's no lust for you either. What do you expect me to do
n...
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你对我的好,某种程度上是一种非常残忍的东西。我们失去了联系。我们在同一片沙漠里,在寻找的也许是同一眼泉水,但却相互看不见,总是孤零零的一个人。我之所这么说,是因为要是我们在一起的话,沙漠就不再会是沙漠了。
原版:
I rang off. At first I was happy, and then I was miserable again. I didn't know where he
was. We were not in touch. In the same desert, seeking the same water-holes perhaps, but out of
sight, always alone. For it wouldn't be a desert if we were together. I said to God, 'So that's it. I
begin to believe in you, and if I believe in you I shall hate you. I have free will to break my
promise, haven't I, but I haven't the power to gain anything from breaking it. You let me
telephone, but then you close the door in my face. You let me sin, but you take away the fruits
of my sin. You let me try to escape with D., but you don't allow me to enjoy it. You make me
drive love out, and then you say there's no lust for you either. What do you expect me to do
now, God? Where do I go from here?'

以往她一直是用“你”来称呼我的,打电话时老是说:“是你吗?你能吗?你会吗?你做吗?”弄得我每次总有那么几分钟像个傻瓜似的想:世界上只有一个“你”,那就是我。

不快乐的感觉要比快乐的感觉容易表达得多。在痛苦之中,我们似乎会察觉到自己的存在,虽然这种存在的表现形式是一种畸形的自我中心主义:我的这种痛苦是个人的痛苦,那抽搐的神经是我的神经,而不是别的什么人的神经。但是快乐却会将我们消灭,令我们丧失自己。

实话实说,让我下不了台。在我们相爱的日子里,我老是试图让她实话说得少一点——说我们的恋情永远不会结束,说有一天我们会结婚。我不会信她的,但我会喜欢从她嘴里听到这些话,这也许只是为了能够得到一份自己做主、不信她的话的满足吧。

她很美丽,而美丽的女人,尤其是美丽同时而又很聪明的女人,会在我的心里激起一种深深的自卑感。

人只要快乐,就能受得了任何纪律的约束:破坏工作习惯的是不快乐。

莎拉。你的祷告里至少有一条没有应验,我并没有得到安宁;除了对你,对你的爱以外,我也没有任何别的爱。我是一个仇恨的人,不过我不太有恨了,我说别人歇斯底里,可我自己的火气也太大了。我主要的感觉与其说是仇恨,不如说是恐惧。因为我想,假如天主存在,假如就连像你这样欲火旺盛、会偷情、会说你曾经说过的那些胆怯的谎言的人都能这样改变的话,那么我们大家只要能像你这样两眼一闭,一劳永逸地跳上一跳,就都会成为圣徒的:假如你是圣徒的话,那么当圣徒就不是什么难事,而只不过是他可以要求我们当中任何一个人做的一件事,那就是:跳。

我坐在床上,对天主说,你夺走了她,但是你还没得到我。我知道你的狡猾。是你把我们带到了一个很高的地方,说是要把整个宇宙都给我们,天主啊,你是一个魔鬼,在引诱着我们往下跳。可是我并不想要你的爱。我想要的只是一种十分简单、十分容易的东西。

当我坐下来工作的时候,我是那样的激动,雄心勃勃,充满了希望。我心里没有怨恨,有的只是快乐。那时候,我们两人都很快乐,我们之间只隔着十岁的年龄和几个郡的距离。后来我们将会相遇,而这种相遇除了给彼此带来那么多的痛苦以外,并没有什么显而易见的目的。
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