这是一版忠于原著、原意、原音的全新《沙丘》
《沙丘》这本科幻经典的再版凝聚了无数人的心血和努力,我们想呈现给众多读者的永远是尽善尽美的传奇之作。
此次,新版《沙丘》的翻译追求对原意、原音的还原,有读者向我们提出了疑问和意见,我们也想在此逐一解答。
1、“Irulan”译成“伊勒琅”、“melange”译成“美琅脂”,译者追求的是和原音的接近。
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2、 “A begining is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are corroct.”
读客版:凡事起始之时,必细斟细酌,以保平衡之道准确无误。
【如读者所说,这一句着重强调的是关注事物的开端,必须平衡均势,不能稍有差池,否则会导致错误的走向。
所以,我们的译文正是忠于原意的,并没有“会错意”。这是一句贝尼•杰瑟里特的箴言戒律,译文较为书面化也是合理的。
而您接下来指出,“平衡”在这里是对“关注”的强调,而不是说关注的意义是为了要保持平衡。原文并没有此意,您说的也颇为令人费解。】
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3、 It was a warm night at Castle Caladan, and the ancient pile of stone that had served the Atreides family as home for twenty-six generations bore that cooled-sweat feeling it acquired before a change in the weather.
读客版:卡拉丹城堡,这座伺候了二十六代厄崔迪家族的古老岩石建筑,已经有凉飕飕的水汽冒出,预示着一切将风云突变。
【用了拟人的手法贴合并再现了原意。
“Atreides”是作者取自希腊神话人物阿特柔斯,但“Atreides”和“Atreus”的发音本就有所区别,原音更接近哪个中文字的发音每个读者的感觉可能都不一样,因此没有理由说这是译者的失误。】
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4、The old woman was let in by the side door down the vaulted passage by Paul's room and she was allowed a moment to peer in at him where he lay in his bed.
读客版:那老太婆被请进侧门,走过一条拱形走廊,当路过保罗的房间时,她有幸在那里驻足片刻,偷偷瞧瞧躺在床上的孩子。
【老太婆是被人领着路过保罗房间的,而保罗是公爵之子,是一个贵族少年,此处译成“有幸”贴切地考虑到了这一点。原文中并没有读者说的“是有意允许她去看的”的意思。】
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5、By the half-light of a suspensor lamp, dimmed and hanging near the floor, the awakened boy could seea bulky female shape at his door, standing one step ahead of his mother.
读客版:地板旁挂着一盏浮空灯,在晦暗的光线下,那名假寐着的男孩看到屋门口,他母亲身前一步的地方立着一个庞大的女人身影。
【结合后文老太婆说“他没睡着,在偷听我们说话呢”可知,男孩被吵醒后并不想让他们发现,仍然假装在熟睡,此处译为“假寐”是准确的。】
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6、Paul's mother answered in her soft contralto: "The Atreides are known to start late getting their growth, Your Reverence."
"So I've heard, so I've heard," wheezed the old woman. "Yet he's already fifteen."
"Yes, Your Reverence."
"He's awake and listening to us," said the old woman. "Sly little rascal." She chuckled. "But royalty has need of slyness. And if he's really the Kwisatz Haderach . . . well . . ."
读客版:保罗的母亲以低沉的声调柔声作答:“尊驾,厄崔迪人发育较晚,此事众所周知。”
“我听说过,听说过,”老太婆继续气喘,“可他毕竟已经十五岁了。”
“是的,尊驾。”
“他没睡着,在偷听我们说话呢,”老太婆说,“狡猾的小捣蛋。”她吃吃地笑起来,“但皇族成员需要狡猾。而且,如果他是真正的魁萨茨•哈德拉克……啊……”
【“Your Reverence”以为“尊驾”,就如同“My Lord”“Your Grace”译为“大人”“夫人”一样自然,符合书面用语的同时又能表达出对圣母的尊敬。
“Haderach”音译为“哈德拉克”也很接近原音的。】
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7、Paul sensed his own tensions, decided to practice one of the mind-body lessons his mother had taught him.
读客版:保罗意识到自己的紧张感,于是决定练一练母亲教授的身意课程。
【此处的“lesson”指的是杰西卡作为贝尼•杰瑟里特所学习的课程,译文忠实原著,无关“浪漫情怀”。】
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8、Three quick breaths triggered the responses: he fell into the floating awareness . . . focusing the consciousness . . . aortal dilation . . . avoiding the unfocused mechanism of consciousness . . . to be conscious by choice . . . blood enriched and swift-flooding the overload regions . . . one does not obtain food-safety-freedom by instinct alone . . . animal consciousness does not extend beyond the given moment nor into the idea that its victims may become extinct . . . the animal destroys and does not produce . . . animal pleasures remain close to sensation levels and avoid the perceptual . . . the human requires a background grid through which to see his universe . . . focused consciousness by choice, this forms your grid . . . bodily integrity follows nerve-blood flow according to the deepest awareness of cell needs . . . all things/cells/beings are impermanent . . . strive for flow-permanence within . . .
读客版:三次快速呼吸触发反应:他坠入了一种游离的意识状态……集中意念……扩张动脉血管……摒除一切杂念……只余下自己选择的那部分意识……血液变得充实,迅速流向负荷过重的区域……单凭本能并不能使人获得食物、安全、自由……兽类意识无论怎么延伸都无法超越特定的时刻,也不会让它产生猎物可能会灭绝的念头……兽类破坏,但不生产……兽类的快感始终接近感官层次,达不到感性的层面……人类需要一个背景网,通过该网可以看清自己的宇宙……有选择地控制意念,这便会架构起你的网……依照细胞需求发出的最深层次意识,神经血液有规律地流动,肉体也随之保持完整……天地万物、生灵、人类都非永恒……为了川流不息的永恒奋争……
【“animal”译为“兽类”是为了与上下文的“人”“人类”形成对比,突出这种未滤去杂念的意识和快感是充满了原始的味道的,而杰西卡教会保罗的课程正是为了控制原始的、兽类的意识对自己的影响。
至于“/”,以下是关于斜线的用法:
a.诗歌接排时分隔诗行;b.标示诗文中的音节节拍;c.分隔供选择或可调换的两项;d.分隔组成一对的两项;e.分隔层级或类别。
天地万物、生灵、人类不符合一下任何一种用法,这种并列关系的词语汉语的标点符号中应选用顿号。
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9、When dawn touched Paul's window sill with yellow light, he sensed it through closed eyelids, opened them, hearing then the renewed bustle and hurry in the castle, seeing the familiar patterned beams of his bedroom ceiling.
读客版:当黄色的晨光洒进窗台时,保罗闭着眼睛就能感觉到。他睁开眼,城堡的喧嚣奔忙重新入耳,卧室天花板上那熟悉的纹饰横梁也进入了眼帘。
【保罗睁开眼睛躺在床上,他听见了外面忙碌和嘈杂的声音,因此意译为“城堡的喧嚣奔忙重新入耳”。】
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10、The hall door opened and his mother peered in, hair like shaded bronze held with a black ribbon at the crown, her oval face emotionless and green eyes staring solemnly.
读客版:廊门开启,保罗的母亲朝门内张望。她的头发深暗似青铜,发顶扎着一条黑色丝带,那张鹅蛋脸上不带任何表情,绿色的双眸闪烁着严肃的光芒。
【“shaded bronze”直译为“阴影下的青铜色”,意译为“头发深暗似青铜”,给了读者更直观的描述。】
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11、"She was my teacher at the Bene Gesserit school. Now, she's the Emperor's Truthsayer. And Paul . . . " She hesitated. "You must tell her about your dreams."
读客版:“她是我在贝尼•杰瑟里特学校的老师,现在是皇帝的真言师。那个,保罗……”她吞吞吐吐道,“你必须把你做的梦告诉她。”
【有读者认为将“hesitate”译为“吞吞吐吐道”没有了杰西卡女士的风采和当时的心理状态。可她不正是因为犹豫的心理状态导致了吞吞吐吐地说吗。更何况,开篇就提到了杰西卡女士对圣母甚为敬畏,在圣母面前她又怎么能自诩为“公爵的姬妾”呢?】
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12、She turned, holding a semiformal jacket for him. It carried the red Atreides hawk crest above the breast pocket.
读客版:母亲转过身,手里拎着一件半正式的外套,衣服胸前口袋的上方印着代表厄崔迪的红色鹰饰。
【此处的“semiformal jacket”结合后文提到衣服上有家族的纹饰,因此翻译成“半正式的外套”并无问题。】
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13、Jessica crossed to the window, flung wide the draperies, stared across the river orchards toward Mount Syubi .
读客版:杰西卡穿过房间,走到窗户旁,甩手拉开窗帘,目光越过河畔的果园,望向对面的首尾山。
【“Mount Syubi”据我的理解,译者是根据日语中“首尾”的发音“syubi”来进行音译的。】
最后,由衷地感谢读者们对新版《沙丘》的关心和关注。新书现已上市,欢迎大家读后为我们提供更宝贵的意见。我们会继续做到尽善尽美,不孚大家的期待。感谢!
此次,新版《沙丘》的翻译追求对原意、原音的还原,有读者向我们提出了疑问和意见,我们也想在此逐一解答。
1、“Irulan”译成“伊勒琅”、“melange”译成“美琅脂”,译者追求的是和原音的接近。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2、 “A begining is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are corroct.”
读客版:凡事起始之时,必细斟细酌,以保平衡之道准确无误。
【如读者所说,这一句着重强调的是关注事物的开端,必须平衡均势,不能稍有差池,否则会导致错误的走向。
所以,我们的译文正是忠于原意的,并没有“会错意”。这是一句贝尼•杰瑟里特的箴言戒律,译文较为书面化也是合理的。
而您接下来指出,“平衡”在这里是对“关注”的强调,而不是说关注的意义是为了要保持平衡。原文并没有此意,您说的也颇为令人费解。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3、 It was a warm night at Castle Caladan, and the ancient pile of stone that had served the Atreides family as home for twenty-six generations bore that cooled-sweat feeling it acquired before a change in the weather.
读客版:卡拉丹城堡,这座伺候了二十六代厄崔迪家族的古老岩石建筑,已经有凉飕飕的水汽冒出,预示着一切将风云突变。
【用了拟人的手法贴合并再现了原意。
“Atreides”是作者取自希腊神话人物阿特柔斯,但“Atreides”和“Atreus”的发音本就有所区别,原音更接近哪个中文字的发音每个读者的感觉可能都不一样,因此没有理由说这是译者的失误。】
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4、The old woman was let in by the side door down the vaulted passage by Paul's room and she was allowed a moment to peer in at him where he lay in his bed.
读客版:那老太婆被请进侧门,走过一条拱形走廊,当路过保罗的房间时,她有幸在那里驻足片刻,偷偷瞧瞧躺在床上的孩子。
【老太婆是被人领着路过保罗房间的,而保罗是公爵之子,是一个贵族少年,此处译成“有幸”贴切地考虑到了这一点。原文中并没有读者说的“是有意允许她去看的”的意思。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5、By the half-light of a suspensor lamp, dimmed and hanging near the floor, the awakened boy could seea bulky female shape at his door, standing one step ahead of his mother.
读客版:地板旁挂着一盏浮空灯,在晦暗的光线下,那名假寐着的男孩看到屋门口,他母亲身前一步的地方立着一个庞大的女人身影。
【结合后文老太婆说“他没睡着,在偷听我们说话呢”可知,男孩被吵醒后并不想让他们发现,仍然假装在熟睡,此处译为“假寐”是准确的。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6、Paul's mother answered in her soft contralto: "The Atreides are known to start late getting their growth, Your Reverence."
"So I've heard, so I've heard," wheezed the old woman. "Yet he's already fifteen."
"Yes, Your Reverence."
"He's awake and listening to us," said the old woman. "Sly little rascal." She chuckled. "But royalty has need of slyness. And if he's really the Kwisatz Haderach . . . well . . ."
读客版:保罗的母亲以低沉的声调柔声作答:“尊驾,厄崔迪人发育较晚,此事众所周知。”
“我听说过,听说过,”老太婆继续气喘,“可他毕竟已经十五岁了。”
“是的,尊驾。”
“他没睡着,在偷听我们说话呢,”老太婆说,“狡猾的小捣蛋。”她吃吃地笑起来,“但皇族成员需要狡猾。而且,如果他是真正的魁萨茨•哈德拉克……啊……”
【“Your Reverence”以为“尊驾”,就如同“My Lord”“Your Grace”译为“大人”“夫人”一样自然,符合书面用语的同时又能表达出对圣母的尊敬。
“Haderach”音译为“哈德拉克”也很接近原音的。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7、Paul sensed his own tensions, decided to practice one of the mind-body lessons his mother had taught him.
读客版:保罗意识到自己的紧张感,于是决定练一练母亲教授的身意课程。
【此处的“lesson”指的是杰西卡作为贝尼•杰瑟里特所学习的课程,译文忠实原著,无关“浪漫情怀”。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8、Three quick breaths triggered the responses: he fell into the floating awareness . . . focusing the consciousness . . . aortal dilation . . . avoiding the unfocused mechanism of consciousness . . . to be conscious by choice . . . blood enriched and swift-flooding the overload regions . . . one does not obtain food-safety-freedom by instinct alone . . . animal consciousness does not extend beyond the given moment nor into the idea that its victims may become extinct . . . the animal destroys and does not produce . . . animal pleasures remain close to sensation levels and avoid the perceptual . . . the human requires a background grid through which to see his universe . . . focused consciousness by choice, this forms your grid . . . bodily integrity follows nerve-blood flow according to the deepest awareness of cell needs . . . all things/cells/beings are impermanent . . . strive for flow-permanence within . . .
读客版:三次快速呼吸触发反应:他坠入了一种游离的意识状态……集中意念……扩张动脉血管……摒除一切杂念……只余下自己选择的那部分意识……血液变得充实,迅速流向负荷过重的区域……单凭本能并不能使人获得食物、安全、自由……兽类意识无论怎么延伸都无法超越特定的时刻,也不会让它产生猎物可能会灭绝的念头……兽类破坏,但不生产……兽类的快感始终接近感官层次,达不到感性的层面……人类需要一个背景网,通过该网可以看清自己的宇宙……有选择地控制意念,这便会架构起你的网……依照细胞需求发出的最深层次意识,神经血液有规律地流动,肉体也随之保持完整……天地万物、生灵、人类都非永恒……为了川流不息的永恒奋争……
【“animal”译为“兽类”是为了与上下文的“人”“人类”形成对比,突出这种未滤去杂念的意识和快感是充满了原始的味道的,而杰西卡教会保罗的课程正是为了控制原始的、兽类的意识对自己的影响。
至于“/”,以下是关于斜线的用法:
a.诗歌接排时分隔诗行;b.标示诗文中的音节节拍;c.分隔供选择或可调换的两项;d.分隔组成一对的两项;e.分隔层级或类别。
天地万物、生灵、人类不符合一下任何一种用法,这种并列关系的词语汉语的标点符号中应选用顿号。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9、When dawn touched Paul's window sill with yellow light, he sensed it through closed eyelids, opened them, hearing then the renewed bustle and hurry in the castle, seeing the familiar patterned beams of his bedroom ceiling.
读客版:当黄色的晨光洒进窗台时,保罗闭着眼睛就能感觉到。他睁开眼,城堡的喧嚣奔忙重新入耳,卧室天花板上那熟悉的纹饰横梁也进入了眼帘。
【保罗睁开眼睛躺在床上,他听见了外面忙碌和嘈杂的声音,因此意译为“城堡的喧嚣奔忙重新入耳”。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10、The hall door opened and his mother peered in, hair like shaded bronze held with a black ribbon at the crown, her oval face emotionless and green eyes staring solemnly.
读客版:廊门开启,保罗的母亲朝门内张望。她的头发深暗似青铜,发顶扎着一条黑色丝带,那张鹅蛋脸上不带任何表情,绿色的双眸闪烁着严肃的光芒。
【“shaded bronze”直译为“阴影下的青铜色”,意译为“头发深暗似青铜”,给了读者更直观的描述。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11、"She was my teacher at the Bene Gesserit school. Now, she's the Emperor's Truthsayer. And Paul . . . " She hesitated. "You must tell her about your dreams."
读客版:“她是我在贝尼•杰瑟里特学校的老师,现在是皇帝的真言师。那个,保罗……”她吞吞吐吐道,“你必须把你做的梦告诉她。”
【有读者认为将“hesitate”译为“吞吞吐吐道”没有了杰西卡女士的风采和当时的心理状态。可她不正是因为犹豫的心理状态导致了吞吞吐吐地说吗。更何况,开篇就提到了杰西卡女士对圣母甚为敬畏,在圣母面前她又怎么能自诩为“公爵的姬妾”呢?】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12、She turned, holding a semiformal jacket for him. It carried the red Atreides hawk crest above the breast pocket.
读客版:母亲转过身,手里拎着一件半正式的外套,衣服胸前口袋的上方印着代表厄崔迪的红色鹰饰。
【此处的“semiformal jacket”结合后文提到衣服上有家族的纹饰,因此翻译成“半正式的外套”并无问题。】
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13、Jessica crossed to the window, flung wide the draperies, stared across the river orchards toward Mount Syubi .
读客版:杰西卡穿过房间,走到窗户旁,甩手拉开窗帘,目光越过河畔的果园,望向对面的首尾山。
【“Mount Syubi”据我的理解,译者是根据日语中“首尾”的发音“syubi”来进行音译的。】
最后,由衷地感谢读者们对新版《沙丘》的关心和关注。新书现已上市,欢迎大家读后为我们提供更宝贵的意见。我们会继续做到尽善尽美,不孚大家的期待。感谢!
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