《nonviolent communication : a language of life》【美】Marshall B. Rosenberg
To create a harmony relationship with others we need to focus the light of consciousness on four areas ——observation, feeling, needs, request. First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying and doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgement or evaluation——to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don’t like. Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, seared, joyful, amused, irritated, etc.? And thirdly, we say what need of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified. Finally, we should make a very specific request. For example: when a mother found house in chaos she may say to his son like that: when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV (observation). I feel irritated(feeling) because I am needing more order in the rooms that we share in common(need). Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine (request). Thus, part of nonviolent communication is to express four pieces of information very clearly, whether verbally or by other means. The other aspect of this aspect of this communication consist of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling, and needing, and then discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth piece, their request.
The every part can be difficult for us when we focus on the process of NVC ( nonviolent communication ) the first time. We may make evaluations when we were supposed to just express the observation. So, the author says that observation without evaluation is the highest form of human intelligence
The author also had a profound study in language and thought. “Vague language contributes to internal confusion.” Language is a tool we formed to spread information among human beings and the use of it also has effects in sharping the way we think. Using vague language may cause internal confusion.