寻茴,匆匆那年

Lorraine
2008-03-23 看过
    真正拿到书的时候,却没有再仔细读了,大略的终于看到结局,所谓开放式结局,只是没有留给我想象的必要。
    如多数人所说,作者把人物的性格拿捏得很准,至少我没有看到人格分裂的,这也是很值得赞赏的地方,至于情节种种,如果我们可以抛开人物过多而带来的松散,情感泛滥而带来的困惑,时间和事件上的些许出入,我想还是可以用“值了”形容的,要是北京的孩子的话,会有更多的共鸣,而像我们这些北漂,读到地名,似乎也有些恍若当年。
    也如大多说人所说,这部小说,给了看客太多回忆的空间,即使你没有在那年那月的北京,你也一定在某一时间的某一地点,和某一群人,守着那些相似的青春。
    青春,这个词,太矫情太文艺,不幸的是,我们就是这么一群矫情而又文艺的人。
    这部成长写了38万字,而我们各自的成长,到底更长还是只是一瞬间的事情?后记里作者提到自己印象深刻的评论,“我也方茴过”,只这一句便可触及也许是落了最厚一层灰的那盒记忆。不论是怎样的性格,你一定会对那么一个人,像方茴那样,不敢拿起,拿起了又放不下,很多年以后才终于可以平静地说出,“算一算,原来不在一起的时间已经和在一起的时间一边长了,还有什么不能释然”,即使不像她那样强烈,那样极端,却一样可以说,我也方茴过。
    后半部没有仔细看,因为那些变故对我来说有些难以接受。对于方茴这样性格的女生,我谈不上喜欢,她基本上没有自己爱好,默默的喜欢陈寻,以至沉重,我想一方的不能再爱,另一方多半也是逃不了干系的,有时候,责任、承诺带来的是更深重的苦难。真正有在一起的信心的话,还有必要说什么永远么?我难以接受的是,每一个人都有陈寻的一面,高飞的风筝,谁牵着根本不是重点,飞得更高更自由才是主线,是颠覆,是背叛。
    听着u were my everything 看完了匆匆那年,才发现这首歌和这小说还真蹬对。
This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn’t realize it at the time
I can’t forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don’t really expect you to either
It’s just... I don’t even know
Just listen…
You’re the one that I like, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I’m sorry about the pain I made you feel
That wasn’t me; let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it’s raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies
I wore a disguise 'cause I didn’t want to get hurt
But I didn’t know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn’t care when push came to shove
If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn’t have hurt me like I ain’t shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and trul
I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don’t know how I could do you so wrong
I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one could else know you
you are number one, always in my heart
And now I can’t believe that our love is torn apart
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you’re holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can’t hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain
Damn it, I’m insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work
What about when you
Looked into my eyes
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me
I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I’m not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but…
No matter what, you’ll always be in my heart
You’ll always be my baby
Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse
We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can’t take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I’m still there
I don’t wanna hear that you no longer care
Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn’t think you would ever do me like this
I didn’t think you’d wanna see me depressed
I thought you’d be there for me, this I confess
You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I’m nothing to you, you’re with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I’m trying
Now on the inside it feels like I’m dying
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we’ll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

    突然发现,成长不过是一个不断妥协的过程。
    幼儿园的时候,我们可能真的想嫁给白马王子或者幻想自己是白马王子
    小学的时候,我们可能真的有过当科学家的想法。
    初中的时候,我们可能真的幻想过古惑仔那样的生活。
    高中的时候,我们可能真的想要默默的一直喜欢一个人或者和身旁的人一直在一起。
    后来我们知道了,世界上没有白马王子,科学家都是需要聪明“绝”顶,古惑仔都是SB粪青,身旁的人也早已不是当初的那个,于是我们妥协了,我们开始成为房奴、车奴、卡奴,找一个也许并不相爱的人结婚生孩子。都说我们没受过苦,可是对于那些激烈竞争中的奋斗(千万别tm联想奋斗那电视剧)的压力,受过苦的那些,你们经历过了么?我们理解你们很苦,甚至为你们激情燃烧的岁月和血色浪漫而感到骄傲,可是你们干吗老骂我们呢?我们被骂的狗血喷头的时候,渐渐向70 后、60后靠拢过去,也许有些仅80后才有的优点,在匆匆那年之后,人间蒸发了。全都妥协了,生命开始凑合着过了,就都长大了。

匆匆许多年,再也寻不回。
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