Moralistic judgments – typically insults, criticism and labels – imply that a person who acts differently to your value system is behaving “wrongly.”
By using compassionate language, they can bridge their differences instead of alienating each other.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a way of communicating that allows us to connect with others and ourselves from the heart. The term nonviolence is inspired by Mahatma Gandhi, the leader of the Indian independence movement, and refers to the natural state of our hearts: free from violence and full of compassion.
before you say anything, think about how you can influence the other person to make your life better, but do so without hurting them.
Instead of saying “you always…”, refer to a particular moment when something upset you.
Try to give a narrative of events and state the way you felt as they occurred.
you can identify your own emotional response and address the reasons behind the conflict.
Finally, and ideally, you can observe the feelings and needs of the speaker.
It’s also important to formulate requests into concrete actions, so others can know what they need to do.
Now, instead of getting trapped in this self-hating internal dialogue, try to better understand and identify the needs that are fuelling your self-judgment. The truth is that self-judgments – like all other judgments – are the expression of unfulfilled needs. So, when you start hearing judgmental self-talk, you should stop listening to it and focus your attention on your unmet needs.
First of all, if we want to fully understand another person, we need to listen empathetically.
First of all, if we want to fully understand another person, we need to listen empathetically. This means creating a time and space for others where they can fully express their emotions – and also trying to feel what they feel.
Sometimes what people really need is not the same as what they say and think they need.
Through reflection and paraphrasing, you can help them understand what they are trying to communicate.
The next step is to ensure that the intention to connect comes from an honest place. It has to be clear from the get-go that the goal isn’t to manipulate the other party, but rather to create a safe space where each party can express his or her needs. This can be achieved by observing and identifying feelings, connecting them to both parties’ needs and formulating concrete, viable requests.
Recognize your needs. The next time you feel angry, take a breath and question the source of your anger. Ask yourself “Why am I angry?” rather than “Who am I angry with?”