The Sufi poet Rumi once wrote, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
Moralistic Judgments - When we speak this language, we think and communicate in terms of what's wrong with others for behaving in certain ways or, occasionally, what's wrong with ourselves for not understanding or responding as we would like. Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting.
We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs not out of a desire to give from the heart, but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we will experience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of those who comply with our values out of a sense of either external or internal coercion.
Denial of Responsibility - The use of the common expression 'have to'... illustrates how personal responsibility for our actions can be obscured in speech. The phrase makes one feel, as in "You make me feel guilty," is another example of how language facilitates denial of personal responsibility for our own feelings and thoughts... We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to factors outside ourselves:... uncontrollable impulses.
We can replace language that implies lack of choice with language that acknowledges choice. 引自第15页
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