A Guide to the Good Life 8.2分
读书笔记 Part3 Stoic Advice
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Chap9 Duty on Loving Mankind

每天都有各种各样的事情disturb我们的tranquility,开车的,过马路的,同事老板家人等等。就算没人故意破坏我们自己也想要让别人喜欢自己羡慕自己于是给自己设定各种goal也能disturb自己的tranquility。stoic认为人就应该干人该干的事,人和动物的区别是我们会reason。人生来是social的动物我们也必须social. 并且他们认为为了尽到人的duty就并躲不开annoying people.

Chap10 Social Relations on dealing with other people

类似君子慎独。自己一人的时候要有自己的character. 人并不能完全选择自己的social duty,但是可以选择自己的朋友。

如何尽到自己的duty的同时保持平静是永恒的话题。近朱者赤近墨者黑的概念,要自己主动选择三观正的朋友。主动prepare for our dealings with other people before we have to deal with them. 我们要避开三观不和的人,尽量避免以扯淡为目的的聚会。如果不得已必须和自己觉得annoying的人一起,那就劝自己他们也不是故意的,世界上也一定有人觉得我们也是annoying的,当我们觉得别人的缺点烦人的时候应该自己reflect一下自己的缺点。我们可以控制自己是否觉得被annoy了。自己control自己的thought.

People do not choose to have the faults they do. Consequently, there is a sense in which the people who annoy us cannot help doing so. It is therefore inevitable that some people will be annoying.
one of the best forms of revenge on another person is to refuse to be like him.

Chap11 Insults - On putting up with put-downs

指直接间接的insult,老板同事的等等。有时过了一阵子自己还生气呢。被insult了之后生气会影响我们的tranquility。一个方法是consider人家说的是否是真的,如果是真的那没有必要生气,如果不是真的那他们misinformed,我们也不必生气。如果说的人是我们尊重的人,那我们也该尊重他们的意见,如果我们不在乎这些人那也不必要在乎他们的意见。就当狗叫就行了。

另外我们自己的想法才是不开心的源泉,我们决定是否自己感觉被insulted了。

What upsets people is not things themselves but their judgments about these things.

最好的应对是humor,自己再踩低自己一脚,想不到玩笑的话就干脆闭嘴别说话。

Chap 12 Grief - On Vanquishing Tears with Reason

悲伤是自然的感情,正常的悲伤能够表达感情但是不至于影响balanced mind。

let your tears flow, but let them also cease, let deepest sighs be drawn from your breast, but let them also find an end.

减少悲伤的具体方法一试negative visualization,这样悲剧真发生的时候能减少我们一些shock.并且也能更珍惜眼前人。

retrospective negative visualization指思考如果你从没有过那些失去的事情会怎么样,所以曾经有过比现在失去更值得珍惜,不要沉溺于失去的悲伤里面。

再一个就是靠reason。reason是我们对付感情的最有效的武器。我们失去的人不会希望我们沉溺于悲伤,如果是这样的人那不值得我们悲伤。

Chap13 Anger On Overcoming anti-joy

Anger也是能打破我们tranquility的一个emotion. 说anger是brief insanity,破坏力非常大。有人说anger可以用来做motivation但是就怕打开容易收起来难。尽量不生气的方法:1.不要assume the worst about others,即便我们没得到自己想要的也不代表人家就是来整你的。

the reason things will seem unbearable is not becaue they are hard but because we are soft. Seneca therefore recommends that we take steps to ensure that we never get too comfortable.

这样自己多锻炼就更不容易被一些小事trigger到而生气。

To avoid becoming angry, says Seneca, we should also keep in mind that the things that anger us generally don't do us any real harm; they are instead mere annoyances.

如果我们让小事影响了自己反而影响自己的tranquility

He recommends, as we have seen, that we contemplate the impermanence of the world around us. If we do this, he says, we will realize that many of the things we think are important in fact aren't , at least not in the grand scheme of things.

发现自己要生气的时候,停下来想想从宇宙的层面看到底这件事有多大。

发现无论怎么办自己都生气的话,就停下来想想自己行为也肯定惹别人会生气的。生气的时候提醒自己小声说话放松表情慢慢走路。通过物理方式反馈让自己不那么生气。

如果真生气惹出麻烦了,最好的方法是抓紧道歉。

有的人没有trigger的时候自己也生气,这是很悲哀的事情

Life is too short to spend it in a state of anger. Further more, a person who is constantly angry will be a torment to those around her. Why not instead, Seneca asks, make yourself a person to be loved by all while you live and missed when you have made your departure? More generally, why experience anti-joy when you have it in your power to experience joy? Why, indeed?

Chap 14 Personal Values on seeking fame

Peopla are unhappy, the Stoics argue, in large part because they are confused about what is valueable. Because of their confusion, they spend their days pursuing things that, rather than making them happy, make them anxious and miserable.

fame或大或小人都想要,朋友圈里也想得到,谁invite了你没invite你也影响自己的tranquility

You would have been much better off, Epictetus thinks, if you had been indifferent to social status.

第一不用花时间帮别人,第二别人也就没能力夺走你的tranquility了。

Stoics value their freedom, and they are therefore reluctant to do anything that will give others power over them. .. if we make it our goal to please others, we will no longer be free to please ourselves. We will, he says, have enslaved ourselves.

如果有人夸你应该觉得好笑。

Marcus agrees with Epictetus that it is foolish for us to worry about what other people think of us and particularly foolish for us to seek approval of people whose values we reject. Our goal should therefore be to become indifferent to other people's opinions of us. He adds that if we can succeed in doing this, we will improve the quality of our life.

这应该是triology里的,别人的想法是我们不能控制的,不管才能让自己放松快乐。

如果想win other people's admiration,就需要adopt他们的value,只有这个value能帮助我们tranquility的时候才值得追寻,不然应该放弃。

前辈还有故意反fashion而行之,为了让自己更坚强。不过作者建议一般人内心不够强大不要随便尝试。

人很怕失败,但其实仔细想想很多事情失败了也没有什么关系,重要是要能放得下。

Chap15 Personal Values on luxurious living

it is folly to think that it is the amount of money and not the state of mind that matters!

金钱买不来快乐,也不能帮助我们消除悲伤。由俭入奢易由奢入俭难。一旦养成了奢侈的习惯,就越来越难享受日常的快乐,阈值越来越高,并不能帮助我们live a good life。推荐生活尽量简单。如果你desire的都是能容易得到的就更容易得到快乐。如果就是想要得不到的东西就属于自寻烦恼。

Epitetus encourages us to keep in mind that self-respect, trustworthiness, and high-mindedness are more valuable than wealth, meaning that if the only way to gain wealth is to give up these personal characteristics, we would be foolish to seek wealth.

Chap 16 Exile On Surviving a Change of Place

Exile cannot prevent us, for example, from being courageous or just. ..a person must keep in mind that his happiness depends more on his values than on where he resides.

Chap 17 Old Age On being banished to a nursing home

刚开始这段写得简直太好。二十几岁年轻人认为世界都是他们的,无所不能无所畏惧,认为人生就应该是美好风光的。然而当现实生活开始打脸,发现生活并不容易,经常受到挫折,梦想无法实现的时候,首先感受到的是震惊。不敢相信原来人生是这样的,一定是哪里出了问题,人生绝不是这样的。然而三十岁的时候发现啊原来通过我的努力生活可以变得更好,可以克服困难,成功不是人家递给你的而是你努力得来的。于是再努力十年,到了四十多。发现虽然得到了一些东西可是生活还是并不完美。这时候就到了中年危机。开始思考人生,有时候思考的结果是我享乐太少,之前吃那些苦为了将来long term日子好其实并没有,于是开始享乐,买跑车找二奶,然而最后发现其实还是不快乐甚至更惨了。这个时候再寻找人生的意义会发现stoic其实很合适。

A twenty-year-old might reject Stoicism min the belief that the world is going to be her oyster; and eighty-year-oldl knows full well that the world isn't her oyster and that her situation is only going to worsen with the passing years.

死亡越来越临近的时候,人也许更能开始追求平静,以宁静为人生的最高追求。但有的人一辈子总是重复同样的错误,到老非但没更wise反而变成什么都能complain的人了,这就很浪费。明明可以试图experience joy却不,选择了错误的goal或者选择了错误的方式。You end up wasting the one life you have。

老了更能体会到早晚要挂,虽然可能不是明天但也不远,这有可能让人变得抑郁。这时候用上negative visualization可以帮助我们更enjoy the life that we have。

If God is pleased to add another day, we should welcome it with glad hearts.

老人体会到身心的衰老,takes nothing for granted其实更容易得到快乐。年轻人什么都没失去过可能还不如老人开心。

Chap 18 Dying - on a good end to a good life

有的人怕死是怕自己之前都活错了,该experience的事情还没有experience。那么如果你本来就有一个philosophy并且按着那个来过日子,那么就不会有这种困扰。如果你的philosophy是have more of everything那就很悲哀因为you can't have more of everything when you die.

思考自己的死亡能让自己更appreciate活着的时候

Chap 19 On becoming a stoic: starting now and prepare to be mocked

虽然做到以上多条要付出努力,但是如果不做,追求日常的功名利禄也一样要付出,还不一定哪多哪少。有一个人生的guideline,philosophy of life那做选择就容易得多,当遇到选择的时候就选择和自己的philosophy一致的即可

Without a philosophy of life, though, even relatively simple choices can degenerate into meaning-of-life crises.It is, after all, hard to know what to choose when you aren't really sure what you want.

推荐我们悄悄练习。因为如果和别人说了人家很有可能要嘲笑你,也是情有可原的,因为你说你的value他们怕他们自己的value是错的,所以不愿意听。

练习stoic能让我们更少一些negative emotion更多一些positive的。大多数人的快乐来自于得到新东西,stoic希望我们从已有的东西里得到快乐。1. 从不能被夺走的东西中得到快乐。比如自己的character。2. 从可能被夺走的东西中得到快乐。要be prepraed for the loss of those things。

We need to keep in mind that it is a lucky accident that we are enjoying whatever it is we are enjoying, that our enjoyment of it might end abruptly, and then we might never be able to enjoy it again. We need, in other words, to learn how to enjoy things without feeling entitled to them and without clinging to them.

3. 有意识地不让自己变成非最奢华最好不可的人。这样自己能enjoy的东西就多了。如果一样东西没了,就在另外一样东西里找快乐就得了。

Because they have learned to enjoy things that are easily obtainable or that can't be taken from them, Stoics will find much in life to enjoy. They might, as a result, discover that they enjoy being the person they are, living the life they are living, in the universe they happen to inhabit. This, I should add, is no small accomplishment.

再一个就是学会enjoy being alive。或者本身就已经是joy了。

任何时候任何人都可以开始practice.

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