Sex for One
Although I ran only a dozen men’s groups, the experience helped me to let go of my old conviction that men got a better deal when it came to sex. My habit of thinking in clichés and making sweeping assumptions had me believing that male socialisation gave all men more sexual freedom. I thought they could always have easy orgasms even with casual sex, and I envied their never having to worry about the biological realities of periods or pregnancies. But the truth is that not all men are able to be assertive studs who make out all the time. Many men in the groups were shy and insecure, especially when it came to partnersex. It was true that some teenagers or immature men don’t give a damn about getting a woman pregnant, but I learned there are also men who feel a lot of responsibility about birth control. I also discovered those easy orgasms are frequently early ejaculations, little hiccups that aren’t very satisfying. Researchers never got around to acknowledging the existence of preorgasmic men. And the most consistent sex problem for many men in the workshops was owning a penis that seemed to have a will of its own—an unpredictable sex organ that got hard when no one was around and then refused to erect when a man was holding the woman of his dreams in his arms.
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